Hospital Memoirs

It occurs to me that I never posted my funny resident story from a few weeks ago.

Situation - I've been in the hospital about 20 hrs, haven't slept in 34. My surgeon has been consulted and his senior resident has come to see me. He's doing his info gathering and I'm already seeing that he's the type who's decided what's wrong and is trying to make my words fit his picture. Remember - my presenting symptom was sudden onset abd pain followed by a near-fainting spell. Since I fainted, he's focusing on making sure they didn't miss any cardiac problems before putting me under anesthesia for surgery. He's just about done gathering his info and is at the "well Ms Lee, we'll be adding you to the surgical schedule for tomorrow" stage when Jr Resident comes in, apologizes for interupting and sits in on the rest of the interview. Sr. Resident continues, saying we'll review your labs and EKG before going to surgery and I point out that I've not had an EKG. He says "really?" I saw "yes" - nothing more said.

They get to the assessment stage of the deal and I have Jr resident on my left, leaning over doing his listening with the scope deal, and Sr. Resident on my right near the end of the bed. The Jr. does his thing and after a few minutes, while listening to my belly, he says "did you say you haven't had an EKG?" and I say "that's right". As he's listening to me, he looks up at his Sr resident with what must've been a question face, because the Sr immediately starts to say "I'm sure she did she just doesn't..." Picture me - lying there, on no sleep hearing this bozo start to say I don't know what I'm talking about!

I cut him off before he could finish the sentence (and truly piss me off- never a good thing when I'm lacking sleep), and said, "I'm a nurse, I KNOW what an EKG is, and I HAVEN'T HAD ONE - in fact I've NEVER HAD ONE." Sr. Resident backed off in a major way, assured me that he'd make sure that one was ordered and left, hurriedly. Jr. followed him out the door after a few more moments.

Funny thing though - I was in the hospital for 36 more hours, and SEVERAL of the Jr residents made it a point to drop into my room at least twice before I was discharge, but I never saw the Senior Resident again.

As words go, it was reasonably mild, but I think I truly embarrassed him in front of the Jr. He deserved it, and judging by the attention the Jr's gave me, they appreciated having the arrogant jerk put in his place. It probably didn't help his rep any that I told all 3 of my doctors what he said and EVERY nurse I had. ROFL. Don't piss off a nurse - you'll never live it down.

Ok, while we're on hospital stories - here's my favorite stupid nurse one. I went in on Monday night, got to my room early Tuesday morning. I was NPO all day until 1 pm when they ordered me a lunch tray. I ate the lunch tray, had a supper tray arrive about 5:00 and had started to eat that too, when my GI showed up, after discussing me with my surgeon. He and I go over the plan and he tells me he wants me to have a CT scan that night, and that I'll be having a scope as well as the rectal exploration under anesthesia the next day. As he leaves he says - don't eat any more of that! *sigh* It was such a good looking tray too.

So, about 6 am, my nurse walks in tearing up little packets and saying "I've got some medication for you to take - just 4 little pills" as she starts towards me. I say, "what is it?" She says Dulcolax as she starts to hand them to me. I held my hand up like a traffic cop and said "NO". She said "what?" I said "no, I can't take Dulcolax - I tried it for my last scope and I got really sick." "HMMMPH" sez she. "HMMMPH" think I, not appreciating her overworked attitude, considering she's done NOTHING for me in 12 hrs except page my doctor (when I got cranky about being NPO for 12 hrs with no IV) and order me a tray.

About 6:20 or so, while I was on the phone with one of the several Suxters who called to check on me (I SO appreciated those calls from my family and the Suxters , though I was so freaking tired, I'm not even sure I remember everyone who called now) when she walked in carrying 3 bottles of Mag Citrate as my bowel prep for the scope. UGH, thinks I, and finishes my conversation.

When I'm off the phone, I'm sitting there looking at the mag citrate, and suddenly think - hey! I'm supposed to have a cat scan - I don't want to start this until that's done, right?
So....out I walk to harass my poor *overworked* nurse who's sitting at the desk. "Um, scuse me, but I thought Dr. Yates wanted me to have a cat scan tonight? I don't know if I should start this prep if I'm going to have that..." Poor over-worked nurse (snort) gives me a disgusted look and says, I don't have any orders for a cat scan. Me - "are you sure?" She *sniff* flips order pages in chart, runs finger over the page and half of orders - "no, no cat scan. You do have orders for a CT scan, but I know they're busy and doubt that'll be done until tomorrow".

Me - dumbfounded - head back to my room and pray to God that my night shift nurse this night is the same one I had the night before, because I've now found out that not only is my day shift nurse a bitch - she's a stupid bitch that doesn't know that a cat scan and a ct scan are the SAME BLOODY THING!

My saintly night shift nurse, Grace, doesn't say a thing when I tell her what has happened, but by 7:15 I have my first glass of CT contrast - when the CT was delayed she found out what the scoop was, she took me down there HERSELF, ordered me a bedside commode so that I wouldn't have to spend the night sleeping on the bathroom floor, and brought me IV Zofran immediately when I started to get sick from the mag citrate. She restored my faith in my peers, bless her.